you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
