so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
