What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
