i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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