we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
