so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
