I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
