Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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