it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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