just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
