Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
