You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
