whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
