Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
