he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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