I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
