my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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