She is in my trunk
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
