My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
