Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
