there's paper in my vomit.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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