i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Someone signed my nipple.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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