She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
