Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
