it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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