if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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