Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
