I cut my penus on the lid.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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