Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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