In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
