I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
