so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
