dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
