Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
