I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
