everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
