Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
