i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
