Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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