We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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