ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
