How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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