Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
