I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
