I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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