WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he was CRYING into my vagina
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
