Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
