What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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