She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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