i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
