I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
