He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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