We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
