I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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