it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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