She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
