Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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