My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
