the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
