whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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