love makes seman taste better
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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