the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Boobs speak an international language.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
