woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
