I like to think it a success when the cops are called
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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