R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
