Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
bring money and cleavage
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
