I accidentally burped into my bong.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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