i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
