it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize