I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
