My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just want nice things and good sex
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
