I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
